Courtship can be defined as the relationship between two people who have decided to get married. The plan of God is that once a man enters into you (sexual intercourse) he is never going to do so to any other and he will be bonded to you forever as your husband and the father of your kids. One of the major factors that cut off divine strength (the only assurance that it will survive the storms of life) from a courtship is nothing else but sin.
And in this regard, sin would mean overstepping God’s boundary for the unmarried. For example, it would be sin to be sexually involved with a fiancé because that meat is not for the “promising to wed”. The word “sin” may have different weights and meaning to you. 1 John 5:17 says, “Every wrong is sin.” So how can we avoid doing that? We believe the following tips would help.
The beginning matters: The very first cure is to verify the source of the relationship. A relationship that was constituted and established outside divine instruction can never fulfill divine injunctions. You cannot start something in the palace of lustful desire and expect god to keep it pure. How can? Stop employing God to actualize your self sponsored projects. If your source is wrong, the only remedy is to pull it down and let God source for a partner for you. The remaining points are only useful when the source is right (i.e. God).
Be sensitive to your spiritual states: Do everything within your power to ensure that both of you are in good terms with God at all times. Be concerned about his attitude to prayer and studying god’s word. Only a man that is currently dead to sin can be classified “safe to court” so constantly check him out as well as yourself.
Define your love, sharpen your friendship: Differentiate between your love and your lusts. Don’t misplace them or take one for another. Your friendship is a very important foundation of your love. Dealing as friends automatically conditions your mind to constructive discussions and proper use of time spent together.
Spell out your boundaries; determine the definition of sin explicitly in your courtship. Discuss this and spell it out in plain terms in your courtship. Don’t deceive yourselves; take good consideration of your weaknesses. Mention in detail the activities you know would turn you on and forbid it e.g. “I won’t lie down with you until we’re married”. Don’t just say, “We would not sin” mention the sin.
Be sensitive to your inner man always: To hear what he has to say, when you are with your fiancé; don’t push it aside (your instinct and your conscience) as if it is nothing. Handle it, discuss it and pray on it. As long as your heart is in correct tune with God, you can easily detect it when you are not righteous. (1 john 3:20)
Define your purpose of visit/meeting: It is very essential to ask yourself why you want to visit him today. Always find something purposeful to tie around your visit. Understand that sin arise easily where there are no matters arising. Don’t just keep on going there looking at his face with nothing much to say. You may be cooking trouble. Whenever you notice he is emotionally high: Raise up an issue! Try it.
Engage your time: Find something tangible to do when you are together, read the word of God together, discuss your future e.g. the number of children you want, where to live, church to attend, personal and joint vision, commitments, e.t.c. A pastor once told us that engaged singles who do not build a habit of praying together while in courtship can never find it easy to start such in marriage. Take note!
Never touch the WRA (wedding Reserved Area): avoid touching the sensitive parts or the triggers of the body. Reserve the best for the wedding day. Don’t eat up the pleasure of that day carelessly. Some people have not started talking about wedding in their courtship, yet the guy has touched everything! Don’t allow his hands. Never get carried away to the extent that he would ‘mistakenly” lose your bra. Carry those hands from such places either gently of forcefully. Those hands should sign in the registry before they touch. No sign! No touching!
Sister dress up! Always bear it at the back of your mind that the brother is doing a great deal of work to pin down his strong sexual drives. Don’t allow his eyes to cut them loose. Young lady, don’t provoke the guy with your dressing, but be moderate. A man can be affected easily with what he sees, why don’t you help him. He may not have negative intention when coming to visit you, but your half naked dress can start something in his heart. Don’t dress up in his presence or sit down with him with a towel wrapped around you. He can easily catch fire! Whatever you are wishing and wanting him to see in your body, wait until you are married.
Watch out for the bed, the dark and secluded place: These three things are very dangerous to pure courtship as most evil deeds are done there. Avoid staying together in secluded places for too long. The moment there is nothing to discuss again and you’re just sitting down to watch each other’s face: I guess it is time to depart.
These few points could help to make the devil RUN in your courtship as you follow the Holy Spirit to the end. Never forget to keep god’s word in your heart. David said ‘Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my part” (Ps 119:105). His word keeps guides and strengthens you at all times. Meditate on it at all times in order to succeed in your courtship. It is life to those who find it and health to their flesh. As a lady you are sent primarily into that life to help him. Please help him to stand and help him to help you.
I hope you know that most of the people who started a proper courtship in Christ, never have the intention to fornicate before marriage, but how are the mighty falling. Beware!!!
Mrs. Olusolape Coker
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